I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Boobs are out for the taking
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
