cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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