I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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