Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
