She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
