where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
