honey bunches of taint.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
