Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
