he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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