Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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