PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
