One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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