I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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