so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
