You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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