look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
