Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
