Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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