So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
