she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
