when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
