I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
