apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
