Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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