My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
