So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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