11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
