You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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