someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
