Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
