Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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