yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
