Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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