Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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