I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
