i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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