I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
