no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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