A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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