please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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