Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
