please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
