I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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