i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
