We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
