just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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