I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
