one two three fourrrrnication!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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