Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
