considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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